The Fun with Harry and Ron Reader
by boyamiconfuzed
Summary: See Harry Potter.See Harry Potter have adventures.Woohoo, Harry. Woohoo. My sincere apologies, but for the time being this fic has died and is dead. If it comes back to life I'll update, but I doubt it will.
1. Book One, being the first book

Disclaimer: I don't own HP or Dick and Jane, or anything else for that matter...

* * *

See the Dursleys.

See the Dursleys be stupid.

No one likes you, Dursleys. No one likes you.

See Dumbledore.

See Dumbledore give plot set-up.

Set-up, Dumbledore. Set-up.

See Baby Harry.

See Baby Harry sleep.

Sucks to be you, Baby Harry. Sucks to be you.

See Dudley and Harry.

See Dudley and Harry go to the zoo.

Watch out , Dudley! Watch out!

See Harry.

See mysterious things happen to Harry.

Be confused, Harry. Be confused.

See the owls.

See the owls deliver letters.

Deliver, owls. Deliver.

See Mr. Dursley.

See Mr. Dursley flip out.

Ha-ha, Mr. Dursley! Ha-ha!

See Harry.

See Harry sleep on the floor.

Sorry, Harry. Sorry.

See Hagrid.

See Hagrid kill a door.

Nice job, Hagrid. Nice job.

See Harry.

See Hagrid tell Harry he's a wizard.

Cool, Harry. Cool.

See Harry.

See Harry see Diagon Alley.

Ooooo, Harry. Ooooo.

See Hagrid.

See Hagrid get a mystery package.

Shhh, Harry. Shhh!

See Draco.

See Draco be mean.

Evil, Draco. Evil.

See Mr. Ollivander.

See Mr. Ollivander be all cryptic and weird about Harry's wand.

Scary, Mr. Ollivander, Scary!

See Harry and Ron.

See Harry and Ron going to school.

Woohoo, Harry and Ron. Woohoo!

See Hermione and Neville.

See Hermione and Neville get real introductions.

Sorry, Dean and Seamus. Sorry.

See the Sorting Hat.

See the Sorting Hat read children's minds.

Creepy Sorting Hat. Creepy.

See Snape.

See Snape hate children.

Look out, Harry. Look out.

See Harry.

See Harry meet a three-headed dog.

Dumb, Harry. Dumb.

See Professor McGonigall.

See Professor McGonigall reward Harry for disobeying rules.

Quidditch, Harry! Quidditch!

See the Troll.

See the Troll try to crush Hermione.

Bad Troll! Bad!

See the Snitch.

See Harry Catch the Snitch.

Good job, Harry. Good job.

See the Mirror of Erised.

See Harry turn into a mirror junkie.

Get over it Harry. Get over it.

See Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

See Harry, Ron, and Hermione do some snooping.

Snoop, guys. Snoop.

See Norbert.

See Norbert breath fire.

You have a wooden house, Hagrid. You have a wooden house.

See the Forbidden Forest.

See the kids go in the Forbidden Forest.

Uh-oh, kids. Uh-oh.

See the unicorn.

See the unicorn lie very still and leak important fluids.

You're dead, unicorn. You're dead.

See Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

See Harry, Ron, and Hermione read about the Sorcerer's Stone.

Smart, guys. Smart.

See Snape.

See Harry, Ron, and Hermione be suspicious of Snape.

Act suspiciously, Snape. Act suspiciously.

See the trap door.

See Harry, Ron, and Hermione go through the trapdoor.

Sleep, Fluffy. Sleep.

See Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

See Harry, Ron, and Hermione do three tasks perfectly suited to their abilities.

Come on, JK. Come on.

See the plot device-I mean mirror.

See Harry get the Stone from the mirror.

Nice job, Harry. Nice job.

See Quirrel.

See Quirrel be the bad guy.

Sorry, Snape. Sorry.

See Lord Voldemort.

See Lord Voldemort stuck on the back of Quirrel's head.

Ha-ha, Voldie. Ha-ha!

See Harry.

See Harry use his magic skin to defeat Voldemort.

Don't die, Harry. Don't die.

See Dumbledore.

See Dumbledore explain more stuff.

Explain Dumbledore. Explain.

See Neville.

See Neville 'win' the House Cup for Gryffindor.

Hooray, Neville! Hooray!

* * *

See the fanfic.

See the reader read the fanfic.

Review, reader. Review!


	2. Book 2, being the book after book one

What's this? I'm actually updating! Is this some kind of crazy miracle? ...Yes, Yes it is.

I continue to own nothing, for clarification please see previous disclaimer.

* * *

See Harry.

See Harry have the worst birthday ever.

It's ok, Harry. It's ok.

See the house elf.

See the house elf threaten Harry.

Dobby's psycho, Harry. Dobby's psycho.

See Harry.

See Dobby get Harry in trouble.

That's child abuse, Mr. Dursley. That's child abuse.

See three Weasleys.

See three Weasleys rescue Harry.

Cool car, Weasleys. Cool car.

See the Burrow.

See the Burrow put the Weasleys on top of the cool family list.

You're cool, Weasleys. You're cool.

See Florish and Blotts.

See the scene that later will have great significance but for now is just about Lucius getting hit in the face with a book.

Ha-ha, Lucius. Ha-ha.

See Harry and Ron.

See the door to Platform 9 3/4 decide it wants to be a wall.

Ouch, Harry and Ron. Ouch.

See the Ford Anglia.

See the Whomping Willow play catch with the Ford Anglia.

No license for you, Ron. No license for you.

See the Howler.

See Ron's funny, school-wide humiliation.

Tough break, Ron. Tough break.

See Draco Malfoy.

See Draco swear and Ron barf slugs.

Sucks to be you, Ron. Sucks to be you.

See Harry.

See Harry hear wall voices.

Don't listen to the voices, Harry! Don't listen to the voices!

See Harry.

See Harry get invited to Sir Nick's party and other stuff not important enough to be in the movie.

Get on with the horrific discovery, Harry. Get on with the horrific discovery.

See the horrific discovery.

See Hermione read the horrific discovery aloud for all the stupid/illiterate children.

Be petrified, Mrs. Norris. Be petrified.

See Professor Binns.

See Professor Binns provide back-story.

Have fun with your only important part in all the books, Professor Binns. Have fun with your only important part in all the books.

See Moaning Myrtle.

See Moaning Myrtle's brief introduction before she becomes a plot device.

There-there, Myrtle. There-there.

See the Bludger.

See the Bludger beat up Harry.

Told you Dobby was crazy, Harry. Told you Dobby was crazy.

See Colin Creevey.

See Colin's brief and annoying presence in the story come to an end.

Leave the wandering around after hours to the heroes, Colin. Leave the wandering around after hours to the heroes.

See the snake.

See Harry tell the snake to piss off.

Be surprised and suspicious, entire school. Be surprised and suspicious.

See Harry.

See Harry poke the petrified people.

Not smart, Harry. Not smart.

See Fawkes.

See Dumbledore spout off important foreshadowing.

You look like shit, Fawkes. You look like shit.

See the Polyjuice Potion.

See Harry and Ron be really stupid only to accomplish nothing.

You look good with whiskers, Hermione. You look good with whiskers.

See Moaning Myrtle.

See Moaning Myrtle point out the really important plot device.

Good job, Myrtle. Good job.

See Harry.

See Harry have crazy, diary-induced hallucinations.

Freaky, Harry. Freaky.

See Hagrid.

See Hagrid be accused by a diary and dragged off to Azkaban.

Sorry, Hagrid. Sorry.

See Lucius.

See Lucius be smarmy and evil.

Bye-bye, Dumbledore. Bye-bye.

See Hermione.

See Hermione lie very still.

Petrified friends suck, Harry and Ron. Petrified friends suck.

See the spiders.

See Harry and Ron follow the spiders.

Ha-ha-ha, "follow the butterflies!" Ha-ha-ha!

See Aragog.

See Aragog clear Hagrid's name, then try to eat Ron and Harry.

Run, boys! Run!

See Ginny.

See Ginny be freaked out in a suspicious and foreshadowy manner.

Pay attention, stupid boys! Pay attention!

See Hermione.

See Harry and Ron finally notice the paper with all the answers on it in Hermione's hand.

Nice work, boys. Nice work.

See the _new_ horrific discovery.

See Ron be horrified by the horrific discovery.

Save Ginny, Ron and Harry. Save Ginny.

See Harry.

See Harry be bilingual in a real creepy way.

Ssssss, Harry. Ssssss.

See Tom Riddle.

See Tom Riddle have fun with anagrams.

Hello, Voldie. Hello.

See the ginormous snake.

See Harry wave a sword roughly the size of a toothpick at the ginormous snake.

Snakebites are bad, Harry. Snakebites are bad.

See the pretty birdie.

See the pretty birdie use his magic tears to make everything all better.

Way to go, Fawkes! Way to go!

See the conveniently placed basilisk fang.

See Harry kill the Horcrux-I mean diary with the conveniently placed basilisk fang.

Woo-hoo, Harry. Woo-hoo.

See Harry's sock.

See Harry's sock give Dobby a happy ending.

That rocks my socks, Dobby. That rocks my socks.

See Hermione.

See Hermione and everyone else be all right again.

Yay! Happy ending, everyone! Yay! Happy ending!

* * *

Ok, so yes eventually all seven books will be here, but don't hold your breath. Also, book three will probably be up a lot sooner than book two was- provided I don't forget how to type ...again.

See that button in the corner? The one that says "Review?" I dare you to push the button.


	3. Book 3, being the book after one and two

I have several prefectly reasonable excuses for why this is so late... (College applications, lost the rough draft, computer died.) But you probably don't care. I still have vague hopes of catching up with JK, but I might have to try for beating Warner Brothers instead... Anyway, I still own nothing. Enjoy!

* * *

See Harry.

See Harry's birthday be less craptacular than usual.

Woohoo letters Harry! Woohoo letters!

See Harry.

See Harry go green at the mere mention of Aunt Marge.

She's worse than Voldemort, Harry. She's worse than Voldemort.

See Uncle Vernon.

See Harry blackmail Uncle Vernon.

Way to go, Harry! Way to go!

See Aunt Marge.

See Aunt Marge talk smack about Harry's mama.

Uh-oh, Marge. Uh-oh.

See Aunt Marge.

See more of Aunt Marge, and more, and more, and more...

Run, Harry! Run!

See Sirius (the one in the bushes not the one in the sky.)

See Sirius scare the shit out of Harry.

Watch out for the bus, Harry! Watch out for the bus!

See the enormous purple bus.

See Harry, who says he's Neville get on the enormous purple bus.

To Diagon Alley, Ha-Neville! To Diagon Alley!

See Cornelius Fudge.

See Cornelius Fudge act suspicious and Harry ask to be punished.

Shhhh, Harry! Shhhh!

See Mr. Weasley.

See Mr. Weasley foreshadow about the Azkaban guards...

Feel the doom, Harry. Feel the doom.

See Harry.

See Harry learn crazy amounts of plot information.

Woohoo Plot! Woohoo!

See Mr. Weasley.

See Mr. Weasley foreshadow some more.

Be confused, Harry. Be confused.

See Professor R.J. Lupin.

See Harry, Ron and Hermione poke him with a stick-or maybe just talk about him.

Sleep, Remus. Sleep.

See the Dementor.

See Remus scare the Dementor off with a nightlight.

Good job, Remus! Good job.

See Harry.

See Harry be delicate and special and angry about it.

Eat your chocolate, Harry. Eat your chocolate.

See Professor Trelawney.

See Professor Trelawney tell Harry he's gonna die horribly.

You're a downer, Trelawney. You're a downer.

See Buckbeak.

See Buckbeak try to kill Malfoy.

Better luck next time, Buckbeak. Better luck next time.

See Remus.

See Remus give the best Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson ever.

Ha-ha, Snape in a dress! Ha-ha!

See the boggart.

See the boggart be all foreshadowy on Professor Lupin.

It's the moon, not a crystal ball- stupid Lavender. It's the moon, not a crystal ball.

See Crookshanks.

See Crookshanks try to eat that dirty, rotten, son of a ...Scabbers.

Don't be so protective of the disguised murderer, Ron. Don't be so protective of the disguised murderer.

See Remus.

See Remus be a father figure to Harry.

Good job, Remus. Good job.

See Sirius Black.

See Sirius Black attack the Fat Lady.

Chill, Sirius. Chill.

See Harry, Ron and Hermione.

See Harry, Ron and Hermione camp out in the Great Hall and hear some cryptic dialogue.

What was that about, Harry, Ron, and Hermione? What was that about?

See Snape.

See Snape teach Defense Against the Dark Arts and spout foreshadowing.

You're a jerk, Snape. You're a jerk.

See Harry.

See Harry hear his parents dying.

Falling is bad, Harry. Falling is bad.

See Harry.

See Harry be miraculously unhurt after a horrible accident...again.

Luck you, Harry. Luck you.

See Fred and George.

See Fred and George give Harry what is possibly the coolest thing in the world.

Marauder's Map equals awesome, Harry! Marauder's Map equals awesome!

See Harry.

See Harry sneak into Hogsmeade.

Be disapproving, Hermione. Be disapproving.

See Harry.

See Harry hide under a table while people discuss 7 pages of very important back-story.

Sucks to be you, Harry. Sucks to be you.

See Harry.

See a glimpse of angsty Harry from Book 5 we love so much.

You don't think rationally when you're angsty Harry! You don't think rationally when you're angsty!

See Hagrid.

See Hagrid get Buckbeak's trial date.

Uh-oh, Buckbeak. Uh-oh.

See the Firebolt.

See Hermione be the only sensible person in the room.

You're stupid, Ron and Harry. You're stupid.

See Trelawney.

See Trelawney tell Harry he's gonna die some more.

Uh-huh, yeah, ok, Trelawney. Uh-huh, yeah, ok.

See Remus.

See Remus teach Harry the Patronus Charm.

You're the best teacher ever, Remus! You're the best teacher ever!

See Ron.

See Ron be mad at Hermione because her cat ate his 'rat.'

Nice job, Crookshanks. Nice job.

See Sirius.

See Sirius try to give Ron a heart attack.

Good timing, Scabbers. Good timing.

See Harry.

See Harry be stupid and get caught by Snape.

Stupid Harry! Stupid!

See the Marauder's Map.

See the Marauder's Map tell off Snape, and Remus tell off Harry.

You loser, Harry. You loser.

See Hermione.

See Hermione bitch-slap Draco.

You're the coolest person ever, Hermione! You're the coolest person ever!

See Buckbeak.

See Buckbeak get the death penalty.

It's ok, Hagrid. It's ok.

See Trelawney.

See Trelawney tell the future, for real this time.

That's creepy, Harry. That's creepy.

See Scabbers.

See Scabbers be not quite dead, and Ron be happy.

Good for you, Ron. Good for you.

See the dog.

See the dog chase the kids, who chase the cat, who chases the rat.

Woohoo, Climax! Woohoo!

See the dog.

See the dog try to eat Ron.

You need to work on your aim, Sirius. You need to work on your aim.

See Remus.

See Remus be a werewolf.

We still love you, Remus. We still love you.

See the Shrieking Shack.

See the chapters of exposition, Snape abuse, man-hugs, Marauder's memories, and an old rat.

Hello, Peter. Hello.

See the Dementors.

See the Dementors try to eat Harry's face.

Uh-oh, Harry. Uh-oh.

See the shiny.

See the shiny beat up the dementors.

Good job, mystery spell caster. Good job.

See Dumbledore.

See Dumbledore be all cryptic and fabulous.

Time travel is awesome, Harry and Hermione. Time travel is awesome.

See Harry.

See Harry make a pretty shiny deer, and save the day.

That's so cool, Harry. That's so cool.

See Sirius and Buckbeak.

See Sirius and Buckbeak fly off into the sunset! (Kinda)

Hooray, Harry! Hooray!

See Remus.

See Remus be unable to catch a break.

You got your cool map back, Harry! You got you cool map back!

See Pig.

See Pig be adorable... also deliver a letter from Sirius.

Life is good, Harry. Life is good.

* * *

So, better or worse? Let me know, 'cause I'm writing the next one and I aim to please. Seriously, I'm a doormat, just let me know what you think. 


	4. Book 4, being when the shit hits the fan

About time I updated huh? Special thanks to Tierfal, whose review made me go, 'Oh, I could probably work on writing that instead of sitting here playing solitaire.' See previous chapters if you still don't know what I do/don't own.

* * *

See the creepy old house.

See the gruesome murderous back-story for the creepy old house.

Creepy Frank. Creepy.

See Frank.

See Frank meet Voldemort.

You're dead Frank. You're dead.

See Harry.

See Harry have freaky mind-reading dreams, also a headache.

No more cake before bed for you, Harry. No more cake before bed for you.

See Dudley.

See Dudley's parents finally realize he's fat.

'Bout time Dursleys. 'Bout time.

See the Weasleys.

See the Weasleys trash the Dursley's living room and almost kill Dudley.

Way to go Weasleys! Way to go!

See Cedric.

See Cedric be properly introduced so we can start liking him before he's brutally and tragically ki- never mind.

Hello Cedric! Hello!

See the Portkey.

See JK illustrate how Portkeys work so she doesn't have to do it later at the climactic part of the story.

Woohooo Quidditch World Cup! Woohoo!

See Mr. Weasley.

See Mr. Weasley introduce Harry, Ron and Hermione to an assortment of important and not-so-important minor characters.

Hello Bagman and Crouch. Hello.

See the Quidditch World Cup.

See the Quidditch World Cup be super exciting and fun and so unimportant they left it out of the movie altogether.

Go Ireland! Go!

See the Death Eaters.

See the Death Eaters ruin everyone's evening by being hateful bigots.

That's not very nice Death Eaters. That's not very nice.

See the Dark Mark.

See the Dark Mark scare the shit out of everyone, even the Death Eaters.

Scary Dark Mark. Scary.

See Dumbledore.

See Dumbledore announce the Triwizard Tournament.

Fun Harry! Fun!

See Mad-Eye Moody.

See Moody freak everyone out and be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

Hello Mad-Eye. Hello.

See Draco Malfoy.

See Draco Malfoy the Amazing Bouncing Ferret.

Good job Moody. Good job.

See 'Moody.'

See 'Moody' traumatize Neville with tortured spiders.

It's ok, Neville. It's ok.

See S.P.E.W.

See S.P.E.W. and a vast multitude of other character developing and world enrichening sub-plots be viciously cut out of the films.

Sorry, sub-plots. Sorry.

See the Goblet of Fire.

See Harry's name come out of the Goblet of Fire.

You're in deep shit now, Harry. You're in deep shit now.

See Ron.

See Ron be moody and jealous.

Get over it Ron. Get over it.

See Rita Skeeter.

See Rita Skeeter be an all around nosey and unpleasant person.

Get lost Rita. Get lost.

See the Hungarian Horntail.

See Harry almost be eaten by the Hungarian Horntail.

At least Ron likes you again, Harry. At least Ron likes you again.

See the golden egg.

See Harry avoid learning anything about the golden egg.

You're not that bright sometimes, Harry. You're not that bright sometimes.

See Harry and Ron.

See Harry and Ron be incapable of getting dates for the Yule Ball...

Girls aren't that scary, Harry and Ron. Girls aren't that scary.

See the Yule Ball.

See Ron and Hermione fight and Harry overhear important plot info.

Boy that's an ugly outfit, Ron. Boy that's an ugly outfit.

See Cedric.

See Cedric tell Harry to take a bath.

I didn't think you smelled that bad, Harry. I didn't think you smelled that bad.

See Harry.

See Harry take a very informative bath.

Look out for Myrtle, Harry. Look out for Myrtle.

See Moody and Snape.

See Harry be caught-literally-in the middle of a weird cryptic conversation between Moody and Snape.

Why would Moody need your map, Harry? Why would Moody need your map?

See Dobby.

See Dobby give Harry a ball of slimy worms.

At least he isn't trying to kill you this time Harry. At least he isn't trying to kill you this time.

See the second task.

See Fish-Harry be stupid- I mean show moral fiber.

Nice job Harry. Nice job.

See Sirius.

See Harry, Ron, and Hermione sit in a cave with Sirius and listen to boatloads of misleading plot info.

Rats are full of protein, Sirius. Rats are full of protein.

See Harry.

See Harry have another freaky mind-reading dream.

I told you to knock that off Harry! I told you to knock that off!

See Harry.

See Harry learn even more plot information by violating Dumbledore's privacy.

Sticking your head in other people's Pensieves is rude Harry. Sticking your head in other people's Pensieves is rude.

See the giant maze.

See Cedric and Harry use teamwork, and ya know...magic, to conquer the giant maze.

Don't touch the trophy boys! Don't touch the trophy!

See Cedric.

See Wormtail brutally and tragically murder Cedric.

Bye Cedric. Bye.

See the ugly hardened-lava baby.

See the ugly hardened-lava baby go swimming.

Hello Voldemort. Hello.

See the Death Eaters.

See Voldemort explain to the Death Eaters that he actually is powerful enough to defeat a teenaged kid.

You keep telling yourself that Voldie. You keep telling yourself that.

See Harry.

See Harry the teenaged kid defeat Voldemort...again.

Hi ghost thingies of Harry's parents and others! Hi!

See Moody.

See the severely traumatized Harry be dragged off by Moody against Dumbledore's wishes.

What's wrong with this picture, boys and girls? What's wrong with this picture?

See Barty Crouch Jr.

See people who don't pay attention to what they're reading be very confused.

Surprise readers! Surprise!

See Harry.

See Harry be more traumatized than ever.

Sucks to be you Harry. Sucks to be you.

See Dumbledore.

See Dumbledore explain lots of very important stuff and wrap up the story.

You're the king of exposition, Dumbledore. You're the king of exposition.

See Hermione.

See Hermione hold Beetle-Rita hostage.

Way to go Hermione! Way to go!

See Harry.

See Harry be cautiously optimistic about the future.

Don't count on it Harry. Don't count on it.

* * *

Fun Fact: Enrichening isn't really a word, but it was so fabulous I had to use it anyway.

I'd promise to update soon but we all know that doesn't work.


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